Long Gone

De ce tot timpul scriem cand ni se intampla ceva rau, cand suntem tristi sau cand e ceva care ne deranjeaza rau de tot? despre ziua mea de azi nu vreau sa vorbesc…

Am simtit cum pot fi rupta in mii de bucatele, sa simt cum ma faram, fara ca macar sa fiu (fizic) atinsa. In zilele care au trecut, am simtit si trait intens 3 pasaje din aceeasi carte – atractia magnetica si neconditionata, acea armonie perfecta care vine de la sine,simbioza cea mai pura  si, in final, sentimentul de a fi rupt de tot ce se intampla in preajma ta,fara sa-ti pese de nimeni si de nimic din jur,doar pentru ca simti ca te destrami si dezintegrezi pe interior. Ultima e cea mai groaznica, pentru ca simti cum pur si simplu te imprastii cu totul, simti cum se rupe totul din tine si tu nu poti face nimic.si nimeni nu poate face nimic pentru ca nimeni nu vede ceea ce simti tu ca se intampla.Impactul este doar asupra ta si nu asupra celorlalti, ei fiind practic orbi asupra acestui proces. cel mai greu este sa te aduni la loc si sa incerci sa iti continui drumul, acel drum la care ai pornit de la inceput, pentru ca merita. Sunt sigura ca orice efort este rasplatit, chiar daca poate dureaza mai mult pana va veni si aceasta. Dar se va intampla cu siguranta. Niciun drum nu-l parcurgi degeaba.toate au un sens si un capat.sau poate capatul va fi finalul vietii, you can never know for sure.you can just believe in it.   Iar a patra intamplare – pare a fi rupta si ea dintr-o carte, dar nu este.. o coincidenta izbitoare, incat toti sa ramana masca, cu ochii mari si gura-casca.cel mai frumos au fost replicile pentru ‘u’re a match,u’re destined for one another’ -predestinati unul altuia…ce frumos suna.sau O “coincidenta fericita”, cum a spus altcineva.

Oricum, unele quotes vin exact atunci cand ai nevoie de ele:

#1: I can’t admire in any way a person that is made of stone 100%. Why? Because I always come across this thought: Such a person must be the kind of person that is emotionally incapable.

#2: there are so many things that we doubt, so many things we don’t understand, so many questions without answers… and, of course, from all the moments in the world, we only stumble across such things and questions and problems when we most need answers and salvation.*sighs*

#3: Do you know those moments when your chest hurts really badly… atunci cand te doare pieptul sau te dor plamanii; ai momentul de inspiratie in care simti o durere sfasietoare in capul pieptului si momentul de expiratie care e un moment de teama pentru ca astepti un nou junghi? asa e viata, in general – un flux continuu de durere si lipsa a durerii. Si 80% din timp, in loc sa savuram lipsa durerii si sa trecem rapid peste ea, asimilam toata durerea si pierdem momentul de lipsa a durerii prin frica produsa de expectanta. and that… is life. the pain only stops for good when you stop breathing.

[ ne iubim, nu? Si atunci de ce ne facem rau? ]

Supernatural

I simply adore this guys…  But  i  <3  Dean .

and see more from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQ0KazkR3Kc

Later Obsession

How i’d wish that, and that, and that and that… I also want this, this, this, this and this. I can gather a million things and still not finish, but, eventually, realize that I want [need?] only one thing that maybe connects with a little more others. sometimes it seems to be so complicated…

[ the song is from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzeepLcUJjg&feature=related ]

Painfully Addictive

Can i (just) admit myself into a psychiatric/coo-coo hospital? And let myself out whenever i want, after at least one month? [i'm seriously thinking it would be better for everyone. - if it goes like planned " ;) "] No need to feel sorry, scared or concerned. i am and i will be juuust fine.

I would like to have a break for a month or so, my life to go on (without me) and me not having to deal with anything at all. I would want that in that month, some decisions to be taken without me being there [but in my favour], GOOD things to happen and the bad ones not to affect anything. I soo want (and need) a life-break.

just to be…

Tu cine esti?..

Noi cine suntem?

[ blowing like candels in the wind... ]

Profanity.

O celula umana contine 75 MB informatie genetica, deci un spermatozoid contine 37,5 MB. Intr-un mililitru cub de sperma sunt 100 milioane de spermatozoizi. In medie, la o singura ejaculare se elibereaza 2,25 ml in 5 secunde. Deci – logic – latimea de banda a p*lii este: (37.5MB x 100M x 2,25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 = 1687,5 TeraBytes/s. Este cel mai ineficient mod de a folosi un mediu de comunicatie. Faci broadcast cu 1687,5 TB/s cu acelasi set de informatie (redundanta uriasa!) cu speranta ca poate 37,5 MB din ei vor ajunge la destinatie. In plus, are si o latenta uriasa, primesti ACK-ul (acknowledgement-ul) cam in 2 luni, si raspunsul la cererea ta se compune in 9 luni. Si de cele mai multe ori e doar spam! Asa se explica de ce zice lumea ca: “Imi merge Net-ul ca o p**a!”

and about Romanian language:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanian_profanity

*laughs*

[ retarded like feeling . again. ]

from  http://www.explosm.net

like forever.

Honestly, i have no strenght left. it’s almost the same as the last one, just worse. Like 29 october – i wanted to do something ssooo beautiful and it would have been soo special, but the ONE thing that i thought would not stay in the way it did. Just like today; remember i was wondering earlier today how much would it last [and i was hoping for A LOT more], but i just hoped that this day won’t end worse than the afternoon-ending-of-(few)-good-days. The only time i try and succeed to make a plan and make everything nice and stuff, it’s ruined worse that i thought it could ever be.by something or someone that i was sure it wouldn’t be a problem. and the EVEN worse part is that i just can’t do nothing about it. Just… sit, think, try to find a solution [which clearly from the start isn't a good one], try not to be angry, *smile and wave* and wipe away the tears. and in that moments i realize how words can sometimes have absolutely no effect [and exactly when they shouldn't, they are everything]. How can i be happy, when i REALLY do try, but everything i plan is just ‘blown away by the wind’?

Hmm… ‘to please someone’… it’s a big concept and hard to even try, but most of the times it’s pretty rewarding. If only we would listen to words more…

it always has to be something, isn’t it?

De ce sa nu pot sa incep sa spun cu cat de frumoasa a fost ziua asta?! pentru ca tot timpul trebuie sa se intample ceva care sa strice totul. Nu pot sa imi aduc aminte lucruri frumoase oricat m-as stradui pentru ca imi vin in minte doar alea nasoale.

Simt uneori cum se naruie totul sau cum imi fuge pamantul de sub picioare.atunci cand nu mai suport. E o senzatie groaznica mai ales pentru ca nu stii ce sa faci sau cum sa reactionezi. Uneori te intrebi daca mai are rost; dar nu conteaza, pentru ca tu continui oricum. si uneori oricat de mult ai vrea tu sa indrepti lucrurile si sa fie bine pentru ambele parti nu reusesti sa faci nici macar asta.

Si chiar stai sa te intrebi… de ce a mai fost asa frumos daca oricum urma sa se intample ceva care sa strice… [damaged.enough.harm done.]

Nu intreba de ce plang pentru ca nici macar eu nu stiu sa-ti spun exact.si nu incerca sa ghicesti, pentru sigur nu iti vei da seama. Mi-a venit acum in cap versul “it’s too good to be true”, continuarea nu mai conteaza…

Good Enough.[Fair Enough?].

Surprisingly, it was good. No, actually it was great. and i think i said it all. I know, it was [and still is] something unexpected for me, too. I felt pretty good (and i’m not sure yet if i can say that i didn’t feel that good in a long time or not).

And i still could not believe that those who told me they were going to have ssooo much fun, everything was so nasty for them; but for me, the one who was almost sure that it was going to be horrible, it was really damn good. uhh.., Fair Enough? [:/]