oThEr tEsTs.

Stylish and sophisticated, you want to enjoy a truly European life – away from tourists!
Milan fits you perfectly. Great shopping, high quality food, lots of culture… with very little hype.

———

You are sweet, considerate, and giving. You put yourself last, but people don’t fail to notice your kind heart. You love holidays because it gives you an opportunity to make people smile a little. You tend to embrace the holiday enthusiastically. You stock up with lots of candy and a fun costume. Some may accuse you of spoiling others with too many treats, but you’re cute enough to get away with it! [You Should Carve a Cute Pumpkin Face]

9ian ‘10 – candva…

Totul a fost frumos…pana la final. pana si certurile, doar pentru ca stiam ca o sa ne impacam si ca o sa fie bine din nou.

El nu stiu daca vede asta chiar asa, mai ales la cat de simplu cred ca ii este sa foloseasca cuvantul “despartit”. Cuvant pe care eu nici sa-l pronunt nu pot, pentru ca imi ramane un nod in gat.

Nu pot spune ca ma framanta, pentru ca nu e chiar asa. Imi este doar foarte dor de ce a fost si de multe altele. Singurul lucru care ma pune pe ganduri este intrebarea…cum ar fi decurs totul daca as fi coborat atunci pur si simplu si doar am fi mers pana in statie. ..dar asta este o intrebare la care cred ca nu voi afla niciodata raspunsul… chiar daca ma framanta de fiecare data.si..Cu toate ca stiu ca as fi avut multe de pierdut daca as fi ramas impreuna cu el.

Dar cat de greu e.. mai ales cand stiu cat de bine ne potriveam, cat de mult ne completam unul pe celalalt..el putea sa fie tot ce nu eram eu, iar el tot ce nu putea el sa fie…

[pare a fi rupta dintr-o poveste? Nu e...dar as putea sa stau luni intregi sa o povestesc...]

[[si cat de usor mi-a fost sa`l mai 'insult' cu cate ceva, oricant de mic, de fiecare data cand prindeam ocazia... si asta doar pentru ca eram ferm convinsa ca merita]] tot ce a facut…“no, you just walked away.”

TrIcKy QuEsTiOnS

…how many did you get right?

choices.meaning(s).or meaningless

“We’re the sum of our choices.”

you know what starts with an “r” and almost ends with an “N”? …’RewiNd’. that’s how I’m stuck right now. Cause i’m stuck on rewind.

how i wish it all was like it was back then. no, i just want those moments back. [i want through my list the other day... stumbled across him and felt nothing.] But the moments always seem to get me.

I’m no good with this. For such a long time i couldn’t bare any strong emotion (not sure i can even do that now) and for maybe even longer i just thought of how to just do it to/with someone, except being with that person. Come to think of it…maybe i was mean. maybe those people didn’t deserve that, but the greatest excuse i have is what happened.

i can’t bear the thought of breaking 2 apart, the magic in a relationship is great once you get the hang of it.and once you try to make it work, at least for now, even you know that it won’t last forever. Sometimes it’s better to just enjoy the moment and not the whole ride. when you get to the finish line you might realize the ‘ending’ is not so great, it could be disappointing, but there are moments when you just seem to remember or the good parts, moments when you want to remember only the best parts.and for sure, there will be plenty. Can’t let go of the inside jokes, the matching thoughts or the cuddles. it’s all so rewarding.sometimes.

Everything was so easy back then. I just knew that i could do everything in every manner that he didn’t care. not in the sense that he wasn’t interested, no. in the sense that i could’ve done it however, because he would of still loved me.for who i was, for what i did, for how i acted. He never judged me, he was just… happy.And we were happy together. He never asked questions like “why do i to it like that”, he just went along with it, knowing that it’s my way of doing that thing. I knew i could kiss him how i wanted and when i wanted, because it just didn’t matter anymore. We were one.and one for each other. it was Great.to know that someone was there for me, no matter what.Love over matter.

and i don’t want to spoil my very 2 good friendships. It took me some time to realize what we have and that it’s something worth appreciating. i just have a promise maybe it’s not worthy now to keep anymore and i don’t know how I’m going to get out of it, but I’ll figure it out.in due time.    Meanwhile….

with him it different. he really is the 1st i cared about (…since then), the 1st i even wanted to care about. The one I wanted to start something with. and I’m so afraid, i just want to wait, even if i know by waiting means that the moment could pass away, but I’m so freaked out that i just don’t want to make something wrong because it might end it all.and i don’t want that. i don’t want to blew it. it maybe sound meaningless and that i look to much at the details, but there are so many, i just can’t seem to skip them all. if only it could be much easy… if only i would know how would things could (or will) turn out, that would really help me to decide what to do. I want to do it, i really want, it’s how I’ll feel good in a long time (in a different way than it was these past months), but i just want to do it the right way – I just want to know from the start how to do it and not just be one of those things that “i could try because i have nothing to lose”. No, because this really matters. I just want to know if i do have “a start” or if i’ll end up in “the finish line” all by myself, just like it all started.

It’s never easy. why does it always have to be this hard? and it seems that all the time when i get to have all sorts of thoughts about everything that was and all the things that could or should be, it’s the result of just (yet,another) crappy-full-of-bullshit day?

tHe PeRfEcT cOuPle

Have you met the perfect couple, the TWO soul-mates whose love never dies? The two lovers whose relationship is never threatened?

The husband and wife who trust each other completely?

If you haven’t met the perfect couple, let me introduce you: they stand on top of layer of butter-cream frosting.

The secret of their success? Well, for starters, they don’t have to look at each other.

19.songs. Our lives.

We would like to be forever at the age of all possibilities, the age when we could do everything, have endless wishes, dreams and never care for the consequences. It’s the age when we can take action for our life, but still have enough time for us and what we do to have fun.

“why do people count life in the time the earth completes a sun revolution”..?    But still… nOt  NiN3tE3n  fOr  Ev3R

iar 17? 17 ani este varsta cea mai frumoasa. Este pragul dintre copilarie si momentul cand iei viata in piept. Trecerea dintre adolescenta si maturitate. acum, la 17 ani, ai in fata toata viata ta. totul depinde de alegerile pe care le iei acum – daca vrei doar distractie sau daca ai timp si de problemele care apar/vor aparea pe parcurs. Totul este inevitabil, dar inveti sa le faci fata si incepi sa te intelegi, sa te cunosti pe tine insuti. 17 ani este insasi trecerea de la copilarie spre maturitate, o adolescenta ce nu trebuie uitata sau lasta in voia sortii. [ and i always think of this song, Forever Young - link ]

and for some…  HigH  sChOol  Nev3r  eNds – great song.

past tense..[ II ]..

[15.07, 03:18 am]

D.: cel mai mult ma sperie faptul ca nu stiu cum o sa fie…ce o sa zica, ce o sa faca, nu stiu. Si poate uneori feelings are not enough, that’s what i’m scared of..

Fefe: feelings are not enough? Then, what is enough?

D.: i..don’t know, the meaning of what i said was that if he will say otherwise, i wouldn’t know if my feelings will be enough to make him change his decision.

[17.07, 10:53 pm]

“vinul e mai bun cu cat e mai vechi”..cica se aplica si chestiilor din viata…Stii, bine ar fi sa fie asa.sometimes it gets better while time goes by, dar ce bine ar fi daca si-n real life ar fi ca-n filme..si sa cunosti sfarsitul anumitor lucruri…dar,cu toate astea, mai sunt inca filme care ma surprind.

[18.07, 01:03 am]

iar e una din serile alea…cand e greu.si parca nu mai am de ce sa ma agat ca sa nu o iau in jos.de tot.

ce-as vrea sa stiu acum ca daca i-as cere si daca s-ar putea,sa ma ia in brate. Atunci as stii ca e totul bine,la el in brate mi-ar fi cel mai bine, un fel de “my safe place”.. si mi-ar fi bine si daca as stii ca ar putea sa fie langa mine chiar si fara partea cu ‘fizic’…

[02:05 am]

si daca ar fi sa fie rau, as vrea chiar sa fiu eu cea care ignora tot ce-i rau, sa pot sa ii spun ca e bine, ca totul o sa fie bine si sa-l mangai frumos pe cap…si daca nici atunci nu o sa fie complet bine, sa-i spun ‘te iubesc’ si sa-i zambesc frumos, dar in acelasi timp poate putin trist si intelegator,iar atunci,s-ar resemna si mi-ar spune ’si eu te iubesc’ si inca ceva dragut..si m-ar pupa. …si si-ar da seama ca poate am dreptate .. pana la urma.

[04:07 am]

thinkin’ the pressure is too big.i don’t know if i will make it this year.I mean,it’s where i want to go, it’s the career i want to follow, but i seriously think i won’t make it.this year at least…

And all should be so simple now..we don’t have each other to blame, we can’t blame the unsuccess because of the time (wasted,from one or another point of view) we spent with one another..so it all sums up to whether we make it or not, doesn’t it..?

——

1st post of the series: HERE -  past tense [ I ].

past tense [ I ].

We were fucked up for so long… we didn’t hear and didn’t see… I’m no one to say what would be better, but there are times when i know what’s best for me; and those times never come. and all i can do is wait..for that ’something’ or for something, sometimes i mean anything, that comes along.. Different or not, we’re the same. and i loved you for who you were, for (almost) every thing that you’ve become. I never questioned your love, i believed in you.

It’s been so long… i still haven’t got the time to put every single detail in order, or every little piece back to its place. although, some tiny pieces might have been lost along the way… I felt that everything was running away from me, with a speed i couldn’t catch up on; i felt betrayed; erased from anything that was left for “us”. I felt used.i felt stupid.

The feeling that someone was juggling with my feelings, that you had control over me was terrible.but i couldn’t stand the fact that you were GONE. and gone for good. I wanted to feel that you were still there, with me…that’s why i didn’t mind back then knowing you had everything – even me. i was hanging to the littlest of little and still didn’t break the lock. Cried, cried and cried; done crazy stuff just to keep my mind busy; did things until exhaustion just to have a powerful sleep, to don’t have to think before getting in bed, to not having thoughts about you.or us.or me without you. And it worked.for a while. until i was too tired. then, i had to face everything in the morning, in the first minute i woke up. None of my days was starting great, every single one was not getting even closer to getting healed.

Nothing was going to take me out of my cage. Knowing that i would become like a frozen stone terrified me, but that big loss and the feeling of emptiness that was running through my veins was too powerful for me to handle back then.

But i still got to suffer some consequences. i still can’t handle (with) big emotions, nor good, nor bad. but there’s a little price to pay for anything.

[ sweet dreams? yeah, they were.. but not enough. ]

———

second part, ” past tense [ II ] “  -  HERE

cceee frrumooooss !!!

As fi vrut sa fiu si eu acolo cand s-a intamplat… [deci se poate!] –>

[ from here ]

si azi, o fetita de vreo 8 ani fredona “Billie Jean” in avion…

the truth

but the ones that heartbreak, they’re normal?

[picture from here ]